Fear of Failure

Fear of Failure

I’ve just been asked to do a last minute national radio interview in the morning. My first time for live radio. It’s in my area of expertise and a topic I am comfortable with and have a strong opinion on. Even so, when I looked at the line up and the people I would be speaking with, there is an Innovation Expert and a person with multiple PHDs (at least that’s what I’m telling myself!)  and me. My inner voice had a few things to say, “What have I got to offer?” “What value to do I bring?” Then I pictured myself saying something stupid and screwing up. Only this time and for a long time now, I catch the inner voice, smile at those images and then replace them with better ones. ​​​​​​​“A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new”, Albert Einstein As parents we do the best we can. There is no doubt we will screw up at some time or another. The question is what might you NOT do because you think you might screw up? It can be perceived as bad to have a fear of failure. It’s worse when you fear your fear of failure. By making fear of failure your friend, you get to hang out together and who knows, you may find yourself in new territory. I’ll be hanging out with my fear of failure tomorrow and giving something new a go. Join...
Your Choices, Your Life

Your Choices, Your Life

Could you be closing yourself off to aligning family and work without consciously knowing it? A few years ago I would never have imagined growing my business to where it is today and having the quality of time and relationship I have with my husband and children. I used to believe… I had to work relentlessly to grow my career I had to catch up with friends every weekend I had to make home cooked meals everyday I had to have an immaculate home I had to throw regular parties and dinners I had to volunteer for everything at my children’s school My children had to attend every party they were invited to ​​​​​​​My children had to do sport on the weekend And because everyone else around me was doing this, I believed this was the way it had to be. Today I believe.. I can expend less energy working with more impact I can have social free weekends to just hang with my family I can take shortcuts on meals (we have meal delivery service 3 days a week) The dishes can wait if it means I can have a longer cuddle with my boys I can throw parties when I feel like it and it’s a joy I can volunteer for the things I’m good at at my children’s school My children can attend parties of friends that they are close to My children do what interests them and that may or may not include sports on the weekend Confirmation bias theory suggests we have a tendency to search for, interpret and favour information in a way that confirms...
The No.1 Skill to Parent as a Leader

The No.1 Skill to Parent as a Leader

Whilst some see leadership as a role that heads up an organisation or a department, we as parents equally head up a family and a home – the main difference being we don’t get to leave our leadership role at home at the end of each day, like we can if it were our job outside of the home. There are various styles of leadership, each with different outcomes. The 19th century autocratic style of leadership was one of command and control, dominant in the industrial age to encourage employees to conform and mass produce.  The 20th century authoritarian style of leadership was about creating positive relationships whilst enforcing the rules and was the norm in the information age. As society has evolved so too has parenting and we are now at a major tipping point in parenting styles.   Today, in the 21st century, the age of disruption, the new model of parenting is a leadership parenting style and just like great leadership in organisations is about authenticity, it’s true at home, even more so.   So what then is authenticity and why is it so important in leading children? Authenticity is “representing one’s true nature or beliefs; true to oneself or to the person identified.”  It is when we are authentic, we are at our most creative.  In a report by the Foundation for Young Australians, research indicates that between 2012 and 2015 the demand for creativity in job advertisements increased by 65%. The no. 1 skill to develop authenticity is self awareness. If you find yourself at logger heads with your child, chances are there is something you can...
3 Common Fears In Parenting

3 Common Fears In Parenting

Even if you are a fairly level-headed person, it’s common to experience an increase in the number of fears you have after having children. Someone once said to me, having a child is like having your heart run outside of you on legs – it’s a mixture of intense moments of joy and intense moments of vulnerability. However, when fears are unchecked they can drain your mental energy. Here’s three common fears in parenting that have the potential to zap your energy and a suggestion on how you can shift your perspective to free you up:   1. They won’t be happy, they won’t be healthy, they won’t be successful I had breakfast with a good friend yesterday. We hadn’t seen each other for a while, so it was a chance to catch up on our lives, including kids. She said, “I don’t know if she’s going to be happy” referring to her teenage daughter and she said, “I know I’m doing all I can to help her, I can’t do more than that.” I thought this was a profound statement. How often do we assume we are responsible for our child’s happiness, our child’s health and our child’s success and how much of our energy do we spend thinking about this? Of course we have a significant part to play in each of these and when you know you’ve done as much as you can, are you able to make peace with the fact that you simply just don’t have control of what your child’s future holds or even what the next moment holds?  It can be a...
6 reasons to stop comparing in parenting

6 reasons to stop comparing in parenting

Parenting can be a competitive arena. Whether it’s the type of activity a child is doing or where you are going for your winter break, some comparisons are overt and others are more subtle. Either way, they can leave you feeling unfulfilled and feeling like you are never doing enough.   Here’s 6 reasons why comparisons suck:   1. Wanting to be the best, isn’t always the best for you How many people do you know that want to be the best at everything? Even if it costs them their health or relationships. Wanting to be better than everyone else, with no consideration for the costs involved is born out of a need to prove yourself. Children (and adults) fare much better and mentally healthier in the long term, when doing things out of choice with no need to prove anything.   2. They can be limiting What if the person beside you has reached their peak and your capability goes way beyond this? If you are running your own race and exceeding your personal best each time, you build the capacity for limitless potential in you and your child. Don’t limit yourself or your child.   3. Stop you from playing your own game A painter may not have balls skills. A mathematician may not be a natural dancer. A debater may not lean into empathy. Knowing what you are good at and more importantly what makes you feel energised will be the path of most fulfilment and least resistance. Living someone else’s path is destined for misery. Watching and validating your child when they are drawn to...
Flexibility for working parents is a mindset before a reality

Flexibility for working parents is a mindset before a reality

Flexibility is not just important for working parents, it’s important for everyone. Flexibility in your schedule is what allows you to know you have autonomy over your life, that you can schedule your day to maximise your productivity and work around inflexible commitments relating to those dependant on you. Without flexibility you can feel stressed out, over-worked and time-starved. Cue, quality of life. For working parents, flexibility is the most valuable currency there is. Being able to pick up your child from school a couple of times a week, attend a child’s concert, take them to an activity, be home with them for dinner, these are important and it’s flexibility that enables these moments to occur. It is the quality of time that matters more than quantity.   Children spell love with four letters T-I-M-E ~Max Lucado   How do you maximise your flexibility to spend time with your child? Whilst there are workplace policies in place for flexible and part-time working arrangements and these can help, there can often be a stigma around actually taking the time, or an incongruous culture to still work set hours, even though policies state otherwise. Taking matters into your own hands as a working parent is the key to having the work-life blend you desire. And there are a few things you can consider: 1) Outside of any constraints, what is important to you? It may seem like an obvious question. My kids are important to me, my career is important, my partner is important to me etc. But I’d like you to dig deeper. What do you consider so important that...
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