Are you raising an entrepreneur?

Are you raising an entrepreneur?

My second son was born ten years ago. In the post-natal ward, the nurses frequently commented, he chirps like a bird when he cries. He had his own unique personality as soon as he was born..  When he was two years, I decided to change careers from Accounting to Coaching. There were many things that precipitated the move, however what followed was my first insight into studying entrepreneurs and understanding the attitudes and motivations that made them successful.  Understanding the research on entrepreneurial attitudes and motivations helped me to understand and appreciate my son. Here’s just a few of the ways it is helping me to nurture (and not shut down), his entrepreneurial abilities.  He is internally referenced, backs himself in decisions and puts his needs first. I was externally referenced and focused on other’s needs and what others thought. It would have been so easy to label him as selfish. We’ve worked with him on gaining flexibility in certain contexts such as relationships (who wants be around someone who always thinks of themselves?!) In entrepreneurship, internal referencing helps a business owner back their ideas, even when the world does not yet see what they see.  He is creative, likes to chop and change activities and have lots of options of things to do. I was more into doing a step-by-step procedure to complete one activity then move onto the next. I could have labeled him as lacking focus. In entrepreneurship, a business owner must be able to change course, adapt to new paths (often quickly) and come up with new ways to solve problems to take advantage of opportunities. ...
Do you have a child that pushes your buttons?

Do you have a child that pushes your buttons?

He (or she) is determined to do the things that annoy you, again and again and AGAIN. He can be the sweetest child in one moment and his passion for something he likes to do, is contagious. Then there’s this side to him that can’t stop taking a game too far with his sister, to the point where she ends up in tears. He won’t slide across the seat in the car and makes siblings climb over him and when you’re leaving the house, the shop, supermarket, school or friend’s house, he. never. comes. until. he. is. ready. You stand on the sidelines, shaking your head from side to side muttering, “can you believe he is doing it again?” Angela came to me concerned about her husband’s response to their son, Buddy, crushing Buddy’s spirit. Buddy would continually say No to requests and her husband, John, felt disobeyed and angry. John was worried that Buddy wouldn’t fit in at school and work, later in life, if he didn’t know how to follow simple instructions. The conflict and resentment between them was growing. Through doing their leadership assessments, it became evident many of John’s motivations were opposite to Buddy’s, resulting in the conflict. I asked if they’d considered Buddy to be a budding entrepreneur, inventor or innovator. Being different to most others, being able to work out strategies (to wind others up!), doing what he chooses regardless of what others are doing. All game changing qualities if nurtured in a resourceful way. How do you spot a game changer and then encourage one, without going crazy yourself? A London based group...
What to do when your kids are not listening

What to do when your kids are not listening

One the the most frequent frustrations we experience as parents is children not listening. We repeat the same thing 5 times, or we repeat the same thing everyday, it just doesn’t seem to get through…. It’s easy to jump to frustration, because, well, it’s frustrating. Most people listen in black and white. I’m trying to help the world understand that maybe we should be listening in colour”  ~ Oscar Trimboli, Author of Deep Listening – Impact Beyond Words A national survey of children aged 6 to 12, carried out in the US, revealed that 62% of children say that their parents are distracted when they are trying to talk to them. So, how can we lead and listen differently to help our children listen better? Here’s 5 things to consider: 1. Are they kinaesthetic processors? Kineasthetic processors means they get absorbed in emotion – you may experience this as frequent tears to express themselves. Whenever kinaesthetics get immersed in experiences, they’re all in. Try tapping them on the shoulder whilst making your comment or request. 2. Acknowledge what is going on for you. Children pick up on our energy. Some more than others. If you’re finding your child’s not listening and you are having a challenging day, cut yourself some slack and share with your child what you’re feeling, “I’m feeling really challenged and tired right now, can you help me by…[make your request]” and give them the opportunity to respond. Try this, even if you have younger children. Children as young as four can understand your sentiment. 3. Is your child motivated by goals or problems? Utilise language that will motivate them in their preferred way. For example, if...
Instilling good habits in your family with James Clear

Instilling good habits in your family with James Clear

I had the absolute privilege of meeting James Clear in person recently at my Thought Leaders Business School. Here’s a pic of the two of us.  I know I am small and James is also VERY tall….:) James is the author of New York Times Best Selling book, Atomic Habits, An Easy and Proven Way to Build Good Habits and Break Bad Ones. (I highly recommend the read).  Grabbing the opportunity with both hands, I asked James what his thoughts were on when is the best time to instill habits in children, before I let you know James’ answer, here are some of the key learnings I took from his talk and how they can apply to leading your family: “I had to start small”With every successful habit, it starts with a small, minute step. If you want to go to gym first thing in the morning, lay out your clothes. No need to put them on to begin with, just laying them out is enough. Here are some examples with children; if you want them to cook a meal, let them start by peeling a vegetable. Then once they’ve established that, help them chop a vegetable. One they’ve mastered that, they can place vegetables in a pot, ready to steam and so on. For each step, allow approximately 66 day to establish the habit. Cooking the first meal may take 8-12 months, however it will be a habit for life.  “Success is the product of daily habits, not once in a lifetime transformations”How often do want a child to win a game or get an award for a...
How to Yell at Your Child (yes, you read that correctly…)

How to Yell at Your Child (yes, you read that correctly…)

Bec is a conscientious, involved mum. She is self-aware, a go-getter with a positive attitude and empathy in spades. So during a session, when she tells me she’s screwing up her kids because she yells. I ask her some more questions. Turns out, she usually yells when she is at a loss for what to do. I think most of us can relate to that can’t we? You’ve asked your child to do something 4 times and the fifth time you’re like, “do it NOW!” Bec shares she ends up berating herself, reminding herself of the article she read last month on the harmful effects of yelling. So what’s hurting Bec and her children more – the yelling or what happens after she yells? You’ll be surprised to know it’s not the yelling. There’s a difference between controllable yelling and uncontrollable yelling. We are talking about the former here. (Research confirms, uncontrollable yelling has harmful effects to a child.) Kids don’t need you to be perfect. You are not perfect, nor will you ever be perfect. However, when the after effects of yelling bring shame onto yourself that’s what does the most damage. Here’s why… Shame is usually a triggered response from an event or experience that happened in the past and has no bearing on the situation that is occurring right now.Shame on your own mistakes models to your child that he or she can’t make mistakes and forgive themselves.Shame keeps you stuck and stops you from exploring why the yelling is occurring in the first place. “When I see people stand fully in their truth, or when I see...
Finding Your Tribe

Finding Your Tribe

Yesterday I ran a workshop as part of a mum’s camp at a hospice. It was a privilege and an incredibly humbling experience. Each of these mums have a child that is dying or a child that has recently passed away. No-one can really understand what these mums go through without having a similar direct experience. They have a unique set of joys and a unique set of challenges. However, during the workshop what came through strongly was, whilst most of us could not even begin to fathom what they are going through each day, they really understood each other. They understood what it was like to be on edge each time they checked their child was breathing. They understood what it was like to wake up several times a night to turn their child over to keep them from getting bedding sores. They understood what it was like to have multiple children, including a special needs child and the challenge of meeting everyone’s needs. They understood all of this and so much more.  Together these mums had found their tribe.  “A tribe is a group of people connected to one another, connected to a leader, and connected to an idea. For millions of years, human beings have been part of one tribe or another. A group needs only two things to be a tribe: a shared interest and a way to communicate.” ― Seth Godin, Tribes: We Need You to Lead Us There are 5 key areas that make a strong tribe:  Openness The ability to engage in open and real in conversations. These mums’ talked about their challenges openly and vulnerably. The...